Tomorrow's Memoirs

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Es decir...

Some days you awake overwhelmed with gratitude for the things you have but always fail to acknowledge, not out of ignorance but out of naivity. The things that compile the surroundings you know as your world have become mere backdrops to the pain of your own emotions. As the smears of personal preocupation disappear, the view of the surrounding becomes clear and solidifies into a nostalgic reality. The tumults of the past have forever blinded you from the serenity found in a neighboring world. An awaited realization that cures you of the apathy that molested your mind, liberating it from pain, however...scathed it will remain. Recessed scars to be refilled with the previously learned capacity to ruminate over the concerns of mundane life. Though the scars remind you of pain, the remind you that you have lived, that the past is not a mere dream awoken from, but a life led. The gratitude seeps from the appreciation for the pain you know, to an appreciation for the happiness you experience. The gradient has been established. A spectrum not of colors, not of emotions, but of a life. A life from which you have forever been blinded. You smile in the breeze of your relief to see the blessings in the complicated simplicities of your life.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Some evenings you go to sleep hoping that the next day will usher in an unfamiliar satisfaction, dissipating the lurking shroud of self-hatred. When awakened by the sun beaming in your face amongst beautiful surroundings, you realize your dreams have unsoporifically penetrated your reality. The fantasies into which you cast yourself before the night lulls you into an overnight trance are not fantasies anymore, but mere dreams: surreal desires for yourself.
You begin to realize that this is not an un-medicated issue to be dealt with through the prognostics of Western medicine, nor is it an imbalance to be addressed by natural, wholeistic methodology. Instead, you acknowledge it is a truth. You know it is not some overly bleak aspect of life exagerated for the ever-so-common movement of cynicism. These perforations into dreams have become a taunting presence that reminds you of what you want in life but cannot have.